Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
