dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize