i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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