I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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