im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
