I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
