a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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