I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
