I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
