i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
