Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
