Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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