It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
