I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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