and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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