I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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