someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
