it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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