fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
