Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Two words: blizzard sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
