Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
