i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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