My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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