those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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