I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
