I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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