i think i have herpe
just one?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
