Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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