I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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