I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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