If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
