even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
