New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
