My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
