While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
