so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
