Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
