I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
