She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
