How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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