What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
