just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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