Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize