Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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