I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
