I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
