i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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