Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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