I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
