I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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