Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I only lived at night.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
