Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
