Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
