I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
