oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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