I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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