Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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