u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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