Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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