I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
