What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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