First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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