whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
