What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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